When Trump announced he was running for the presidency, a lot of people laughed, but as time went on, he gained actual support, and nobody’s laughing anymore. And of course, the man gets a ton of media exposure because of all the crazy things that he says. But nobody’s paying attention to all of the crazy things that he’s said and done in the past, and trust me, there’s a lot of them. So hey, since nobody’s talking about those things, let’s do that now, so, without further ado,
here are 10 Shocking Things You Didn’t Know About Donald Trump.
Number one is incestuous comments. Oh my god. Let’s kick everything off with some good, ol’ fashioned cringy incest. On March 6, 2006 Trump and his daughter Ivanka made a guest appearance on the talk show The View. They were there promoting his reality show, The Apprentice. But things turned real awkward when he was asked how he would feel about Ivanka appearing in an issue of Playboy, to which he replied he would be disappointed.. He suddenly went off on a tangent complimenting his daughter’s figure, saying: – Although, she does have a very nice figure, I’m saying that if Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her.
Number two are accusations of domestic abuse. This one’s more of a serious one. For those that don’t know the Donald has been married three separate times, for which I’m not going to judge him for, I mean, if you can’t find the right one, you can’t find the right one. But during a deposition made during their divorce proceedings his ex-wife, Ivana, accused Donald of assaulting her and even alleged that he once raped her. She claimed that he, then her husband, became enraged after a plastic surgeon, that she had recommended to remove a bald spot, botched the job and he violently assaulted her. Apparently, restraining her and tearing hair from her scalp. Her story was even backed up by friends of the family and to ensure discretion, part of her divorce settlement included a gag-order on talking about their marriage whatsoever. Just some food for thought, that’s the man that’s going to be holding the nuke launch codes. ‘Think about it.
Number three is he’s a huge wrestling fan. In case you couldn’t tell from his multiple appearances on Monday Night Raw, Trump is a huge wrestling fan, specifically a fan of the WWE. While not only has he hosted multiple events at his Trump Plaza, but one appearance actually had him in a rivalry role with the chairman of the WWE, Vince McMahon. They each bet on a wrestler, in an event called The Battle of the Billionaires, with the loser having to shave their head. Donald, unfortunately, ended up winning the bet and he and his chosen wrestler, Bobby Lashley, shaved McMahon’s head completely bald in front of a crowd at WrestleMania 23. Which, to me, I think Donald was the actual loser there, I mean, dude needs to start from scratch. But anyway, not only that, but the Donald actually showed off his own wrestling moves, clotheslining McMahon at one point in delivering a few blows of his own. I call this move The Wall, it’s my finishing move. It involves me yelling racial slurs while chopping you across the chest. Your fans are going to love it.
Number four is he ran for the presidency before. Yep. In October of 1999 Trump decided to run for the 2000 presidential elections under the U.S. Reform Party, meaning that he’s tried to be president before. He was actually given the idea by Minnesota governor, Jesse Ventura, at a wrestling match when Ventura convinced him to run for the Reform Party nomination. And unbelievably he even tried to get Oprah Winfrey to run as his Vice-President, to which she of course said no, because, uh, she’s sane. His campaign ran until February of 2000 when he decided to withdraw from the race because he felt that the Reform Party was flawed. Wow, isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black. He also called out several Reform Party members as Klansman, Neo-Nazis, and Communists, because you know, he’s a classy guy.
Number five is he’s never drank nor smoked. See, this one’s a shocker, because you probably think he’s drunk half the time based on the stuff that he says. Donald Trump has gone on record as claiming that he has never taken a drink of alcohol or smoked tobacco in his life. However, the reason behind this actually makes a lot of sense. His older brother, Fred Trump Jr. has had a lot of trouble with the alcohol abuse. Now, Fred Jr. never shared a love for the family business like his father and his brother, Donald, did. And, possibly due to the pressure, caused a major drinking problem. After watching alcoholism drive his brother to an early grave at only 43 years old. He vowed to not drink or smoke ever. Shockingly, in December of 2015, Trump’s lifetime of sobriety led his doctor to state, that he will be the healthiest individual ever elected as president. He’s never even tasted his own vodka. Alright, that is the only thing I respect Donald Trump for. I mean, like, we’re talking the smallest, minuscule, tiny little teaspoon, little, pinch amount of respect for that. Otherwise he’s a dick.
Number six is he’s a movie star. Where did you think he got the occasional ability to act like a decent person from? (snorts and laughs) Yes, Donald Trump has always been destined for the limelight. He’s appeared in multiple movies as either a supporting role or a main actor. In many of these films, he actually plays himself or a character strangely close to himself. But this isn’t some exaggeration. He’s starred in 23 different roles, in everything from Home Alone 2 to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air to a music video by Bobby Brown, called On Our Own. He was also in Zoolander and, most recently, Saturday Night Live.
Number seven is he denies climate change. Yeah, you know, climate change, global warming, that thing that has up to a 97 percent consensus among climate scientists. Yeah, he denies that. On September 21st, 2015, just a year ago, Trump phoned in to a talk-radio show called, The Hugh Hewitt Show, to talk about his Republican nomination campaign. Hugh had asked Trump what his views were on climate change, and, of course, rising global temperatures, to which Hugh responded, “Not only does he not believe “climate change is real, but that there is no issue “to deal with and that it’s essentially a hoax.” He’s also stated that he won’t change his mind until someone can prove something to him. But, don’t worry. As he said, “I believe in weather.” That’s something a five year old would say. I believe in the weather, it’s raining. Mmm, it’s so nice out, mmmm.
Number eight is he went to military school. As it turns out, the Donald was a bit of a troublemaker in his teenage years. At the age of 13, because of behavioral issues, his parents yanked him out of his Queens, New York, middle-school and enrolled him in a New York military academy. He finished his middle-school education and the entirety of his high-school education in this school while also receiving military discipline training. But, in an awkward twist, he never ended up using his military training in the actual U.S. Army, because in 1968, during the draft for the Vietnam War, he purposely avoided his service duty five times.
Number nine is he’s a germaphobe. Let me get this straight, the guy who has to shake hands for a living, as the potential next President of the United States of America, doesn’t like shaking hands. Yeah, that shouldn’t cause any problems. Trump is a self-proclaimed clean hands freak, in that he hates even having to push elevator buttons because so many people have touched them. Presumably because, they’re probably poor people. I can’t touch the elevator doors, they’re dirty, they’re poor people, build a wall. He’s even been quoted as saying, “handshakes are the curse of American society.” He even goes as far as to eat his pizza and KFC with a knife and fork, to avoid getting stuff on his hands. Yeah, that’s totally something that the average blue-collar worker can connect with, right? Eating your KFC and pizza with a knife and fork? Maybe they’re platinum knife and forks, maybe he sprinkles diamonds over his food so that his dookie twinkles.
And number ten is Trump never intended to win. Perhaps the biggest shocker of all is, Donald Trump never actually intended to win the Republican nomination for presidency. Trump’s bid for presidency was actually more of a big marketing scheme to boost his celebrity profile. The team behind him, you know, all those campaign professionals, are actually a small mish-mash team of politically inexperienced men and women who Trump himself described as, “capable but not experienced.” He was actually quoted as saying, “When I first got into this it was for other reasons.” But as support for his unorthodox campaign grew he started considering the nomination more seriously and now he’s in the final round. Good luck America. So those were: 10 Shocking Things You Didn’t Know about Donald Trump.